


Lilac

by yooodles



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Asian-American Experience, Family, Fluff, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Slight Homophobia but it's more just lack of understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 22:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19485085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yooodles/pseuds/yooodles
Summary: Doyoung doesn't have any expectations when his mother tries to set him up with her friend's daughter. That is, until he meets her older brother.





	Lilac

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as an ode to the Asian-American experience. It was a personal and interesting little piece to write. Hope you enjoy!

“ _Make sure you ironed your clothes first, you’ve got to look put together._ ”

“Uh huh.”

“ _And don’t forget to bring a bottle of wine. You remember what I told you right? Expensive enough to impress but don’t go overboard. You just want to send a message to the Jungs that you are financially well off but not reckless with your money.”_

“Yes mom, I know.”

“ _Why does it feel like I’m more nervous about this than you? If it all goes well, maybe I’ll finally have some hope of grandbabies in the future.”_

“Okay, mom I have to go now, I don’t want to be late.”

“ _Oh, I wish I could be there, good luck honey!_ ”

Doyoung hangs up with a sigh, slipping his phone into his pocket before rechecking his appearance in the mirror. He’s dressed in his work clothes, not including his lab coat. He feels stiff and probably smells faintly of pills and antibiotics but it’s the best he can come up with from his limited closet. When he’s not at work his wardrobe doesn’t extend beyond jeans and sweatshirts, and Doyoung sure as hell wasn’t going to spend money on a new outfit for this stupid dinner.

It’s not like he was aiming to impress anyway. If all went well, this would be the only time he’d ever have to meet with the Jungs and he could go back to living his own comfortable life again. That is until his mother tries to set him up with another one of her friend's daughters again.

It’s been a topic of hot conversation for his mother, especially now that he was well into his mid-twenties. Their daily phone calls consisted of asking him if he was dating and when he was going to settle down with a nice girl and give her grandchildren. He doesn’t have the excuse of school or being new hire at his job anymore, so it seems his mother’s patience has worn so thin that she’s taken matters into her own hands.

He doesn’t want to go but he knows that if he ditches, her nagging will only get worse. He’s just glad she’s all the way in Korea and unable to nag him in person. He can only imagine what a headache that would be.

Maybe if he’s lucky the Jung girl won’t even like him. _Christ_ , he can’t even remember her name although he’s certain his mother has brought it up before. He’s not even too sure how his mother knows these people. Something about her friend from middle school. Who the hell even kept in touch with their friends from middle school, let alone ones who moved halfway across the planet? His mother must really be getting desperate.

The thought sits uncomfortably inside of him, leaving a heavy weight on his chest. While sometimes he just wants nothing more than for her to leave him alone, other times he feels kind of guilty for not being able to give her what she wants. He knows his mother means well but there were just certain things, like the reason why he’s never had a girlfriend, that she just wouldn’t understand. He doesn’t want to disappoint her any more than he already has. 

With the expensive, _but not too expensive_ , bottle of wine in his hand, he takes one last deep breath before making his way to the Jungs. All he had to do was get through this one evening, he reminds himself.

Doyoung pulls up to a modestly sized house, following the directions his mother sent over text. The front yard and garden are well-kept, overflowing with what looks like a combination of flowers and vegetables. Gardening was a waste of time if you asked Doyoung. He rings the doorbell, half-hoping no one will answer, but is not so lucky when the door swings open to reveal a smiling middle-aged Korean woman.

“Hello, you must be Doyoung,” the woman who he presumes must be Mrs. Jung greets him and accepts the bottle of wine he holds out, “you’re even more handsome than your mother described. Jaehee is going to love you.”

 _Ah Jaehee_ , so that was her name. He gives her a quick bow and allows her to usher him into the house. He takes his time to remove his shoes, placing them neatly at the doorway before putting on the slippers she offers him. He’s trying to prolong the process to avoid getting to the actual dinner as much a possible.

“Come on,” Mrs. Jung rushes him, “I’m almost done with preparing dinner but in the meantime, you can wait in the living room with Jaehee and get to know each other a bit better.”

Doyoung puts on his best fake smile and follows her into the living room. A young woman, probably a few years younger than him, sits crossed in the middle of the couch, heavily engrossed in something on her phone.

“Jaehee,” Mrs. Jung hisses, “put that away. Doyoung is here, please some him some hospitality.”

She looks up with an annoyed look but throws her phone to the side anyways. Doyoung gives her an awkward wave and she gives a stiff nod back.

“Please Doyoung, take a seat,” Mr. Jung gestures towards the armchair next to Jaehee, “I’ll call you guys when dinner is ready.”

Doyoung thanks her and Jaehee gives a half-hearted mumble in reply. 

“Look I’m going to be honest here,” Jaehee says in a hushed tone the moment Doyoung settles into the armchair, “I know this is supposed to be some sort of set-up, but I’m not looking for any sort of relationship right now. I already have a boyfriend.”

Doyoung stares at her with wide eyes as he comprehends the words before breathing out a sigh of relief.

“Me too,” he replies in a rush, “er, not the boyfriend part but I’m definitely not interested in you.”

She gives him a funny look and Doyoung realizes his words, “Oh no, I don’t mean it in _that way_ , you seem like a lovely girl. It’s just like you said, I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

“Don’t worry, I get what you mean,” her face transforming into an amused expression at Doyoung’s panic, “I take it your parents are pressuring you into this too?”

Doyoung nods, “My mom. It feels like all she ever asks me these days is when I’m going to get married and have kids. The only reason I’m here is in hopes that she’ll get off my back for a while.”

“I get that,” Jaehee hums, “my parents are the same way. ”

Doyoung laughs softly, maybe this evening wouldn’t be so bad after all. At least he doesn’t have to pretend, knowing that Jaehee was already not interested in him, already having a boyfriend and all.

“Wait,” he asks, suddenly confused, “if you already have a boyfriend then why are your parents trying to set you up with me?”

“Oh that,” she laughs bitterly, “he’s not Korean so it doesn’t count. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been together for over five years. I tried to tell them about him a few years back and they just pretended he didn’t exist so I stopped trying after that. They have this idea for me to settle down with some perfect, successful Korean guy and have perfect Korean babies.”

Doyoung offers her a tight smile, “it must be tough.”

“I love him so it’s worth it,” she says with a shrug, “how about you? Why aren’t you looking for anyone?”

The question makes Doyoung freeze as he tries to wrack his brain for some sort of excuse. He _knows_ the reason all too well, it keeps him up at night sometimes, but he’s not ready to face it or verbalize it out loud. Especially not to someone he’s just met, no matter how friendly she seems.

“Forget I asked,” she says and only then does Doyoung realize he’s let the silence stretch on for too long, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Doyoung gives her a grateful nod and he looks down, unsure of where to carry the conversation now.

Loud footsteps sound from the stairs and they both look up in time to see a young man come down the stairs. Jaehee immediately gives him a bright smile, waving him over to them. The first thing he notices is his hair, it’s dyed a bright lilac and falls loosely over his eyes. Doyoung doesn’t think he’s ever met anyone with purple hair before. He remembers when he’d entertained the idea of dying his own hair a wild colour back in college, maybe a bright blue, but ultimately decided against it. He was too plain to pull something like that off, and besides, his mother would have probably thrown a fit if she’d found out.

The second thing he notices is the deep set of dimples as he smiles back at Jaehee. He walks towards them and gives Jaehee a side hug before pulling back to ruffle her hair fondly with one hand. She squirms away in irritation but the smile remains on her face.

Jaehyun turns towards Doyoung for the first time and he wants to shrink under his gaze. His eyes are dark and piercing as he examines him slowly.

“And you are?” he asks curiously with a raised eyebrow.

Jaehee butts in before Doyoung has the chance to speak up himself, “Jaehyun, this is my _date_ for the night, Doyoung, and Doyoung, this is my older brother Jaehyun.”

Now that he had a closer look, he could see the similarities between the two siblings. Doyoung gives a polite nod, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Jaehyun replies slowly but his eyes are narrowed at him suspiciously.

Jaehee seems to notice this and swats her brother lightly in the shoulder, “Doyoung is cool, his mom forced him to be here too. Play nice.”

Jaehyun’s expression immediately softens at his sister's words and transforms back into the brilliant smile he had on earlier, “I thought so, just had to make sure. If Jaehee says you’re cool, then you’re cool. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to sneak out before our parent's notice I’m still here. I don’t think you were supposed to see me.”

“I’ll keep my lips sealed.”

He gives Doyoung a mischievous smirk before extending his hand out in front of him, “It was nice to meet you, I mean it this time.”Don’t forget to save me some food, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Doyoung shakes the proffered hand. It’s soft and warm and large compared to his own. Jaehyun holds on for longer than necessary but Doyoung makes no move to pull away first. He finally lets go of his hand and Doyoung tries to hold back the blush he feels forming on his cheeks and ignore the way his heart is hammering in his chest. With a quick kiss on Jaehee’s head, Jaehyun is gone as quickly as he arrived.

He looks over at Jaehee and is off-put when he sees a smirk identical to Jaehyun’s pasted on her face.

“What?” he asks, suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

“Nothing,” she says with a shrug, “Jaehyun likes you. He’s never warmed up to any of my _dates_ so quickly.”

If he wasn’t red already, he sure his face _has_ to be betraying his blush by now.

“He seems...pretty cool himself,” he says hesitantly, “my mom never mentioned you having a brother.”

Jaehee rolls her eyes at this, “Of course she didn’t, he’s kind of the black sheep of the family. That’s why my parents don’t want you to meet him. Don’t want to scare you off with his radical ideas and unnaturally dyed hair.”

Doyoung lets out a laugh at this, “If anything, I’m more afraid of your parents now. He dyes his hair purple and is suddenly _not part of the family_ anymore?”

“It’s not that simple,” Jaehee says with a sigh before lowering her voice, “first he chose to study photography despite getting into a really prestigious pre-med program and then he came out as gay a year later. You have Korean parents too, I’m sure you can imagine that they didn’t take it all that well. He’s lucky they haven’t kicked him out, but their relationship has never been the same since then.”

Doyoung immediately looks at the ground, “should you be telling me this?” 

“He’s very proud and open about it, even if my parents pretend it’s not true.”

With a deep breath, Doyoung looks up again to see Jaehee looking at him with an unreadable expression in her eyes. 

“I’m happy for him,” he manages to get out before they are both interrupted by Mrs. Jung calling them in dinner.

The dinner is nice. In fact, it’s more than nice. The Jungs went all out preparing dozens of homecooked dishes that he hasn’t had in so long. If there was one this he regrets not learning from his mother, it’s how to cook. 

He suddenly aches for her, the taste of home reminding him of when she used to spend hours every day making him traditional Korean meals before she moved back. He remembers how he’d sometimes reject her homemade food, in favour of ordering pizza or burgers instead, in a sorry attempt to fit in with his peers. In hindsight, his mother’s food probably tasted better than anything he could get at an American takeout place.

“We figured you’d be craving some proper homemade food,” Mrs. Jung smiles as she watches Doyoung eat heartily.

He nods in agreement, “Thank you, this is delicious.”

He notices Mr. Jung sitting quietly at the head of the table. He’s not a particularly domineering-looking man. He doesn’t participate in the conversation and focuses on his bowl in front of him. He looks like he doesn’t care.

“It must be hard to be separated from your mother for so many years,” she continues, “I’m sure she’s so proud of how successful you’ve become.”

“She tells me so every day,” he confirms, and tries to push back the creeping weight of guilt in his stomach.

It’s not an uncommon feeling for him these days. Each time he talks on the phone with his mother, telling her how everything is going great, knowing that the truth of how he felt would only cause her pain and disappointment. Maybe it’s best that she’s an ocean away.

Mrs. Jung turns to Jaehee, “Did Doyoung tell you what he does for a living? He’s a pharmacist, makes over six figures.”

Jaehee lets out something between a scoff and a laugh, “I can’t say it came up in conversation. Good for him.”

“Jaehee herself is almost done law school,” Mrs. Jung says proudly, “she’s at the top of her class too.”

Doyoung raises an eyebrow at her and she gives him shrug. The rest of the dinner follows more or less in the same manner, Mrs. Jung boasting about both of their achievements in hopes of impressing the other. He mostly drowns it out, answering only when he’s spoken directly to. All this talk about his life puts him on edge, it’s not a topic he’s particularly fond of dwelling on.

He’s never really liked talking about himself in general, there wasn’t not much to tell anyway. His life has always been boring and straightforward, working towards a series of goals and expectations set by his mother. It’s the world he was born into and it’s all he’s ever known. By the tight smile on Jaehee’s face, he can tell that she feels similarly. Although he can’t imagine what it would be like to rebel to the extent of keeping a secret lover.

He doubts he could even do that if he wanted to.

Doyoung helps clear the table after they eat, much to Mrs. Jung’s delight, _so polite!_ He fakes a smile through the _good-byes_ and _see you next times_. It appears that the dinner has gone well, Doyoung is almost sure he’ll be invited back again. What a shame. 

He doesn’t let himself relax until he’s out of the house and the door is closed firmly behind him. His shoulders sag and he immediately loosens the top button of his shirt that's been slowly suffocating him all evening as he walks to his car. 

He doesn’t notice the other figure walking towards him until he hears a voice calling his name, effectively making him jump.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice says quickly and Doyoung looks up to see Jaehyun eyeing him apologetically, “how was dinner?”

“It was good,” he answers quietly, cursing at himself for sounding so s, “your mother is an amazing cook.”

Jaehyun gives a small smile at this, “I know. I take it you’ll be coming back again then?”

Doyoung shrugs, “I think so, our moms would both like that very much. If only they knew how useless their efforts are.”

“In any case, it’ll be nice to see you around,” he says with a grin, “I should head in now before I get yelled at for coming back too late, get home safe.”

He gives Doyoung a quick wink before he leaves and hammering feeling returns to his chest. He hopes it doesn’t mean what he thinks it means.

-

Doyoung finds himself in front of the Jung’s a week later. This time he’s supposed to take Jaehee out to dinner for a private date. He’s dressed in jeans this time. He figures he’s impressed them enough last time to afford some semblance of comfort this time around. He fidgets with the bouquet of flowers in his hand, which he only brought at the suggestion of his mother. 

He catches Mr. and Mrs. Jung leaving for their own dinner, right as he arrives. _If Jaehee is going on a date then we might as well too._ Mrs. Jung only has time to coo over the flowers and wish them a good night before Mr. Jung reminds her of their reservation. As sweet as she is, Doyoung is grateful for the lack of her presence tonight.

“Are you ready to go?” Doyoung asks Jaehee as soon as her parents are gone.

He figures, if anything, it’ll be nice to enjoy dinner with a friend. He hasn’t got too many of those these days. With all the time spent focused on school and work, it was just easier to push others way. 

“I actually made plans with my boyfriend tonight,” she explains, “I’m sorry you had to come all the way here, but you’re free to go home now.”

“Right,” Doyoung says, feeling a little disappointed, “no problem, enjoy your night.”

Jaehee seems to pick on this because she quickly adds, “maybe you can hang out with Jaehyun. I don’t think he’s doing anything right now.”

Doyoung’s eyes widen at this suggestion and he’s about to reject when Jaehee continues to talk, “he’s just upstairs in his room right now. I’m sure he’d love the company!”

Before he can stop her and explain why that’s not a good idea, not that he's got real reason why anyway, she’s putting her shoes on and bidding him goodbye. A second later, Jaehee is out the door, leaving him confused and alone in their front foyer.

He stares at the staircase, perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world and he could definitely use the company. But then again, he barely knew Jaehyun, it would probably be ridiculously awkward. The sensible decision would be to leave, his _mother_ would probably want him to leave, but something inside him doesn’t want to go quite yet.

Maybe he should say hi, from the last encounter, Jaehyun had seemed pretty keen on seeing him again, it would only be polite to at least pop in for a quick greeting. He’s guided up the stairs by this ounce of bravery, cautiously keeping his steps light and eyes focused ahead of him. Once upstairs, he quickly notices one of the doors at the end of the hall is ajar and faint music is drifting out from it. He figures this must be Jaehyun’s room. At least he doesn’t have to awkwardly check each room until he finds the right one.

He approaches the door and gives it a quick knock all in one go, knowing that if he hesitates between any of his actions he might chicken out. The door swings open the rest of the way from his knock to reveal Jaehyun sitting cross-legged in his bed fiddling with a camera in his hand. He looks up in surprise at the sudden interruption but his face quickly transforms into a bright smile when he sees Doyoung.

“Jaehee just left and I thought I’d say hi,” he shifts nervously on the spot unsure of what else to say.

“Are those for me?,” he asks jokingly, gesturing towards the bouquet still in Doyoung’s hands.

He’d forgotten he still holding it and the question puts him at a loss for words as fumbles with the flowers in his hands, knowing he must be blushing a furious red by now. 

Jaehyun chuckles at his reaction, “I’m just kidding, but I’d be more than happy to take them if no one else wants them. I love flowers.”

Doyoung looks down at the flowers and up at Jaehyun again. He doubts Jaehee would want them and it would be a shame to see them go to waste. He gives a little nod before taking a step into the room and holding out the bouquet to Jaehyun. He’s put his camera down and climbed off the bed by now. He takes the bouquet from Doyoung’s hands with a quick thanks. The action feels more intimate than it should for what it is. He’s never given flowers to another guy before. He can’t say it’s the worst feeling in the world, especially with the way Jaehyun’s face lights up as he admires the bouquet appreciatively before bringing them up to his nose and taking a deep inhale.

He looks up at Doyoung again, “they’re beautiful, these will look great on my dresser.”

Doyoung heart races in his chest and nods dumbly as he watches Jaehyun grab an empty vase from his dresser and fill it up with water in his bathroom. He gingerly unwraps the bouquet and arranges the flowers carefully in the vase before placing it back with a smile. He’s right, they do look good on his dresser. 

“Anyways,” he says shyly, “I should probably go now, I won’t disrupt you any longer.”

“You could never be a disruption,” Jaehyun says with a shake of his head, “I was actually about to head out to take some pictures. I’d love for you to join me, but only if you have nothing better to do.”

The invite catches him off-guard, he’s not used to people wanting to spend time with him and his first thought is that Jaehyun is just inviting him out of courtesy. That wouldn’t make sense, if that were the case, he wouldn’t have asked in the first place. Besides, the look on Jaehyun’s face is genuine as he waits for Doyoung’s reply. The invitation is serious.

It would be an out of character move for him to say yes. _Going out to take pictures at night?_ That was definitely something he hadn’t experienced before. His first instinct should be to decline, but Jaehyun’s hopeful smile is making it hard for him to think straight and before he can stop himself, a soft “ _okay_ ” is coming out of his own mouth, so quiet that he half-hopes Jaehyun isn’t able to catch it.

From the way Jaehyun springs into action with an excited shout, hurriedly packing up his camera and tripod, it’s clear Doyoung isn’t so lucky. Or maybe it’s the other way around and he _is_ lucky, he hasn’t decided which one it is yet. He feels a hum of both excitement and nervousness course through his body as he waits for Jaehyun to get ready. His mother definitely wouldn’t approve of this, especially with a boy like Jaehyun. Somehow the guilt doesn’t feel as burdensome this time.

“Ready to go?” Jaehyun asks eagerly, backpack securely over his shoulder.

Doyoung gives a little nod and follows Jaehyun back out of his room and down the stairs.

“I was just going to call an Uber but you brought your car right?” he asks once they reach the main door, “do you mind driving?”

Doyoung breaks out into a soft smile at this, “did you only invite me for my car?”

Jaehyun freezes in the door and turns to him with a panicked look. “Of course not, I can call an Uber right now!” he begins to reassure while whipping his phone out, but his face relaxes when he sees that Doyoung is joking. 

They both let out a little laugh at this and the tension in the air feels lighter. He hopes the rest of the night will follow in a similar manner.

“Don’t worry, I’ll drive,” he pulls his keys out of his pocket, “just tell me where to go.”

It’s weird to have someone in the passenger seat of his car, giving him directions as he diligently follows along. Jaehyun had refused to tell him where they were going, insisting on guiding him every step of the way. Normally this would make Doyoung nervous, especially with how unfamiliar he is with this part of the city. He’d usually much rather trust his GPS, but he can’t bring himself to mind the way Jaehyun excitedly tells him to turn right after the next light.

Jaehyun guides him into a small parking lot, surrounded by trees and shrubbery. It looks like an entrance to a hiking trail of sorts and it’s the kind of place Doyoung would never find himself in during the daytime, let alone at this hour. Doyoung freezes in the driver's seat, perhaps this wasn’t a good idea, following someone who was practically a stranger into what was essentially forest at night.

“Come on,” Jaehyun calls out to him, he’s already unbuckled himself and climbed out of the car, busy pulling his camera out of his bag.

He’s already begun to take snapshots of their surroundings and Doyoung tries to brush his concerns away. If Jaehyun had any other ill intentions bringing him up here, he wouldn’t be so focused on taking pictures. With a deep breath to calm his nerves, he gets out of the car and walks up to Jaehyun who is now waiting for him at the entrance of the trail.

“It’s just a short hike until we get there,” he explains as he starts down the trail.

Doyoung is grateful that there are at least lights illuminating the path. 

“Where are we going?” he asks although he doubts Jaehyun will give him a proper answer, he didn’t the last three times he’d tried.

“You’ll see when we get there,” he says determinedly, “now walk faster, you’re too slow.”

To say that Doyoung wasn’t built for the outdoors would be an understatement. He wasn’t the type to ever go on hikes, let alone impromptu ones. The _short_ hike Jaehyun had promised was not only mostly uphill but turning out to be far longer than he had previously anticipated and he can feel it beginning to take a toll on his body.

“Jaehyun,” he wheezes out, “can we take a break?”

He nearly collapses against a nearby tree, clutching it as he struggles to catch his breath. Jaehyun stops from where he is a few paces ahead of him, and amused expression forming on his face. He jogs up to Doyoung pulling out a bottle of water and handing it over to him. Doyoung takes the bottle gratefully, wasting no time in downing half the bottle.

“Take it easy,” Jaehyun pats him lightly on the back, “you really don’t get outside much do you?”

Doyoung shakes his head with his mouth full of water. He really didn’t. He’s spent most of his life safely indoors, first in classrooms and then behind the pharmacists counter. His mother had always preferred staying at home so he didn’t have all that many opportunities to go outside when he was younger. While his peers spent their free time playing sports or running around, Doyoung had grown up with piano lessons and extra tutoring.

“Don’t worry, we’re almost there,” Jaehyun assures him, “let me know when you’re ready and we can keep going. I promise to take it slow this time.”

“I’m ready,” Doyoung says immediately, straightening his back and returning the rest of the water to Jaehyun.

The sooner they got to wherever the hell Jaehyun was bringing them, the sooner he could find a place to sit down. Jaehyun looks at him doubtingly but starts to walk anyway, this time at a much-reduced pace. Doyoung’s legs are thankful for this. 

Much to his relief, Jaehyun wasn’t exaggerating this time when he’d said that they were almost there. He comes to a stop after rounding the next corner and gestures out widely in front of him, “We’re here!”

The sight in front of him almost makes up for the torturous journey to get there. They’ve arrived on a top of a little overlook of the city. It’s odd to see it from this perspective, the otherwise tall and looming buildings of the downtown core look small and distant. Jaehyun busily begins to set up a blanket that he digs out of his bag, laying it on a grassy part of the overlook before throwing his bag down on it.

Doyoung doesn’t hesitate to throw himself on it as well, sighing loudly as he finally gets to sit and rest his over-exerted body. He lies down the blanket and closes his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the quietness of the night, interrupted only by the occasional sound of Jaehyun camera shutter. He doesn’t think he’s ever been anyways quite this peaceful, living in an apartment downtown means that he’s more used to the constant noise of the city. 

He opens his eyes again to take a peek at what Jaehyun is doing and nearly jumps when he sees the camera pointed directly at him. The camera immediately shutters and Jaehyun breaks out into a wide smile.

“Hey,” he sits up and exclaims loudly, “delete that right now!”

Jaehyun simply shakes his head, “No can do, I’m using film right now. Don’t worry, you look beautiful.”

Doyoung bites his lip at the comment, glad that the low light is disguising the blush forming on his face. He doesn’t think he’s ever been called beautiful before. _Handsome?_ Sure, by his mother, but beautiful wasn’t an adjective he’d ever consider describing himself with. If anything, he thinks before he can stop himself, Jaehyun is the one that looks beautiful right now, ethereal even, with the way his lilac hair glows in the moonlight as he looks into his viewfinder, this time aiming his camera out at the city.

He lets himself lie back down and shuts his eyes again. He thinks he feels Jaehyun take a few more shots of him, but he figures if he keeps his eyes shut it will be easier to pretend otherwise. After a while, the sounds of the camera stop and he feels Jaehyun sit down beside him on the blanket. It is only then that he feels it’s safe to open his eyes again.

Jaehyun is once again rummaging through his bag and this time he pulls out two sandwiches, handing one over to Doyoung who accepts it despite feeling a bit confused. He doesn’t remember seeing Jaehyun packing any sandwiches and he wonders why he brought two for that matter. Would he have eaten both if hadn’t have been here?

He seems to notice the perplexed look on Doyoung’s face because he scratches the back of his head sheepishly as he begins to explain, “I’d been planning on going out to take some shots since earlier today and then Jaehee mentioned that you’d be free tonight. I didn’t mean to be presumptuous but I’d been hoping that you’d come along.”

Doyoung isn’t sure how to respond to this, the fact that this little outing wasn’t as spontaneous as he’d initially thought and how Jaehyun had been banking on the fact that he’d come say hi in the first place. The thought makes him feel jittery on the inside.

His stomach growls in response for him and they both burst into giggles.

“I’m glad,” he finally says once they stop laughing, and they both turn their focus onto devouring their sandwiches.

“What’s it like?” Jaehyun asks once they finish eating and settled onto their backs, “being a pharmacist, I mean. Jaehee told me that’s what you do.”

Doyoung stares at the sky, taking a moment to try and come up with an answer. In truth, he hadn’t given his job much of a thought. It was just something he did, like most things in his life, and he’d never really stopped and tried to form an opinion about it.

“It’s alright I guess. A little dull sometimes but it’s pretty easy and stable. The paycheck is nice,” he says, hoping he doesn’t sound too boring.

“I can’t relate to that at all,” Jaehyun says with a laugh, “I’m trying to open up my own photography studio, but for now I’m stuck doing wedding photography on the side to support myself. I still love it though and wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Doyoung can hear the joy in his voice and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to sound like that when talking about anything. He rolls over to face Jaehyun and is mildly shocked to find him already on his side looking at him. They are barely inches apart but Doyoung is too lazy to move away, he doesn’t find it as nerve-wracking anymore to be so close in Jaehyun’s presence.

“I can’t imagine how your parents must have reacted to that, Jaehee told me you got into pre-med,” he asks.

He doesn’t expect Jaehyun to smile at this, “Oh they were _mad_ , yelled at me for a solid two weeks before finally realizing that they could either support me studying photography or support me not studying anything at all. At least this way they could still say that I was in college. Although I will say, it was still a better reaction than when I came out, that time they almost threatened to kick me out.”

Doyoung is surprised how calm Jaehyun sounds as he says this, as if he wasn’t at all affected by the memories of the events he was retelling.

“I think I’d be too much of a coward to do what you did,” he says, not too sure himself which Jaehyun’s stories he’s responding to, “Pharmacy was already my mom’s second choice, she originally wanted me to go into engineering, but I was never _that_ good at math.”

Jaehyun groans at this, “My parents put me in math tutoring for half of my childhood, worst years of my life and I still suck at math.”

Doyoung chuckles, “I don’t think I remember a time when I wasn’t in tutoring. It wasn’t so bad though, it was always nice to see how proud my mom whenever I came home with a high test score.”

Jaehyun hums at this, “I’d say I feel the same but I think I just did well in school to avoid getting my ass beat.”

“It’s different. You were born here right?” he asks and Jaehyun nods, “my mom moved us here from Korea when I was in elementary school, you know, the whole _to give me a better life_ reasoning. It was hard enough that it was just the two of us, she had to work day and night as a restaurant server to support us. She moved back to Korea once I started university, she never really got used to living in America.”

Jaehyun looks at him intently, “How about you? Do you wish you moved back with her?”

Doyoung shakes his head, “No, I basically grew up here. I kinda miss the food sometimes, but _this_ is my home now, I don’t think I’d be able to fit in if I moved back. Not that I exactly fit in here, but at least I’d feel more comfortable being myself than if I were in Korea.”

“There’s nothing wrong with not fitting in,” Jaehyun says with a little smile, “in fact, I think it’s better if you don’t. The world would be boring if everyone was the same.”

If anyone could say something like that, it would be Jaehyun, he was a prime example of _not fitting in_ , yet, it worked for him.

“How do you do it?” Doyoung asks, “how do you not let the opinions of others affect you? I’m twenty-six and my biggest fear is still disappointing my mom.”

“It takes practice, I used to think like that too,” he begins slowly trying to find the right words, “most negative opinions come from people who don’t actually know you and have no right to be making such a judgement in the first place. That’s usually easy to just ignore. It’s harder when it comes from people you care about, but I’m a firm believer that if they truly love you then they’ll eventually learn to see from your perspective. If you look at my parents, I think my dad’s already begun to come around, he even bought me a new camera lens for my last birthday. Mom’s a little more stubborn when it comes to the whole _maintaining our reputation_ bullshit but she’s getting there.”

Doyoung lets Jaehyun’s words sink in, he’s never considered any other option except to hide away the _undesirable_ parts of himself in hopes that no one would notice. For the first time, he thinks that maybe he _doesn’t_ have to spend the rest of his life doing that, not when people like Jaehyun, who’d come from a similar background as him existed and were thriving on being unapologetically themselves.

“Thank you,” Doyoung says after a pause, he really means it, “for everything tonight.”

Jaehyun flashes him a bashful smile, “No, thank _you_ for joining me.”

He’s not sure how it happens, but one second he’s looking over at Jaehyun’s smiling face and the next second Jaehyun has surged forward and pressed their lips together. Doyoung’s automatic response is to panic, _this is wrong_ , he thinks, firmly pushing Jaehyun away.

They’re both sitting up now, staring at each other with equally shocked expressions before Jaehyun’s transforms into one of mild horror, “Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Doyoung reaches out to touch his own lips, they are still tingling slightly from the contact. He’s less shocked by the act itself than by how little he seemed to mind the feeling. In fact, he itches to feel it again, the feel the soft press of Jaehyun’s against his own.

“No,” he shakes his head, “I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

Jaehyun looks at him skeptically and Doyoung breathes in deeply, disbelieving the words that are about to come out of his own mouth, “Can we do it again?”

His voice is meek but the message seems to get across loud and clear by the way Jaehyun’s mouth is hanging agape. Running on his last bit of courage and adrenaline, Doyoung decides to take matters into his own hands, shifting himself closer to Jaehyun and gently holding his face with both hands. Jaehyun has closed his mouth by now, but otherwise, stays perfectly still in place.

“Can I?” Doyoung whispers and his heart skips a beat when Jaehyun gives a little nod.

It was now or never.

It’s surprisingly easy to close the distance and kiss Jaehyun. On one hand, it feels like the most natural thing in the world but on the other, it feels as if all his senses are ignited the moment they make contact. A hand reaches up to hold around the back of his neck, pulling them even closer to each other.

Doyoung has never felt as alive as he does right now and he doesn’t ever want this sensation to end. Feeling a bit bold, he tries deepens the kiss, threading his fingers into Jaehyun’s hair. It’s surprisingly soft. He’s not too sure what he’s doing, he’s kissed a girl or two in college but it had always been close-mouthed and not nearly comparable to what he was feeling right now. He must be doing something right because Jaehyun returns the kiss with just as much fervour, using his other arm to wrap around Doyoung’s waist.

His mind is beginning to go fuzzy at the feeling of being pressed up against Jaehyun and all he knows is that he wants _more_. He’s halfway crawled up Jaehyun’s lap when Jaehyun pulls away suddenly, leaving them both wide-eyed and panting.

“Woah, slow down,” he says in-between trying to catch his breath.

“Sorry” Doyoung says with a blush, now worried he might have gone too far, “I’ve never done this before.”

But Jaehyun doesn’t look upset, he has a soft smile on his face and is still holding Doyoung firmly by the waist.

“Don’t worry,” he assures, “you’ve done nothing wrong. This is kinda new for both of us and I think it’s best if we take it slow. We’ve got plenty of time and opportunity.”

“Okay,” he agrees with a firm nod, once again comforted by Jaehyun’s words.

He climbs off of his lap and they both lie back down on the blanket, this time with their fingers interlaced. He basks in the warmth of the hand linked with his, allowing himself to smile up at the night sky, feeling lighter than he ever has before.

**Author's Note:**

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